


Old Ghosts

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Internal Conflict, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Rey Skywalker, Snoke Being a Dick, based on TV Tropes, based on The Last Jedi trailer, character death is han solo, post-TFA, the last jedi speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 09:57:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10694661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After Starkiller, Kylo Ren struggles to come to grips.





	Old Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Hurt/Comfort 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author's Notes: So I was going to get started on more Darkpilot fluff (as I've been intending to), but then this little doozy of an idea hit me based on something on TV Tropes talking about Kylo destroying his helmet. Probably not very hurt/comfort-y, but...here you go. Also, Mike's last name is a Dark Tower reference, and "Zann" is a bit of a tribute to Timothy Zahn I figured I'd leave in there.

Not for the first time, Kylo Ren had destroyed his quarters, but he had a good reason for it. Everywhere he looked, it seemed as if the ghost of Han Solo were there, watching him, haunting him, eyeing his every move. Even standing in the wreckage of his quarters, watching the lightsaber slashes gleaming in the walls, he could have sworn that Han Solo's ghost was still there, watching him, not even judging him for what he had done, but forgiving him.   
  
And that was the worst part. Being forgiven. He didn't deserve to be forgiven. He had done too many horrible things, his hands were too dirty, too drenched in blood, to ever truly be clean. And knowing your victim forgave you, still loved you, even after all this time...   
  
Perhaps that was another thing that had ultimately unsettled him on the Starkiller planet. Being forgiven. It didn't matter that he had stabbed Han Solo through the heart so ruthlessly. Han Solo had already forgiven him. It didn't matter that he had called the smuggler weak and foolish to his _face_ \-- Han Solo saw right through him.   
  
Han Solo forgave him. And that...that hurt the most. Physical scars he could withstand. Emotional ones...   
  
The emotional ones always hurt worse, and were harder to clean out. Kylo Ren already knew such a thing, but it really was driven in all the harder now.   
  
\----   
  
"Master? You look terrible."   
  
Zann Ren. Formerly Michael Padick. Kylo raised his head from his meditative position, glared at him. "If you're here to comment on my facial wound -- "   
  
"It isn't that, Master. You just...you haven't been eating well. Or sleeping well."   
  
That was nothing new. Kylo Ren and sleeping well rarely went together these days. He would try and sleep well, Force willing, but he would inevitably feel the Light Side trying to stir him from his sleep. There were times, early in his career, that he would listen to holos of his grandfather's speeches and wish he could be like him. His grandfather had such dignity, such confidence, such pride. When he killed Obi-Wan Kenobi, he hadn't felt any of that weakness, that internal conflict, merely a knowledge that he had done the right thing. The good thing. And he certainly hadn't been tempted to go home. He had simply known what he was doing was right and was committed to it.   
  
Kylo Ren, meanwhile...he was a coward. An incredible coward. And ungrateful, as the Supreme Leader had said to him when he was well enough to appear before him in person.   
  
_"I would have given you the galaxy in the palm of my hand. I would have given you all you asked for. I have cherished and valued you over all other apprentices and all other beings. How dare you nearly betray me?"_  
  
He hadn't had an answer to that. He had been guilt-stricken, horrified at what he had nearly done, the gravity of his near-betrayal truly sinking in.   
  
"Master?" Nali Ren, this time. Annie, she had once been called, short for Liana. Her voice was enough to startle Kylo out of his thoughts. "Is it about him? Han Solo?"   
  
"Yes." It was no use hiding anything anyway. His emotions...they might as well have been an open holobook.   
  
Nali walked over to him, sat down. "Whatever he said to you," she said, "He was probably trying to trick you. You know the Resistance, you know how they work."   
  
"Yes."   
  
He could still remember what the Supreme Leader said. _The Resistance cannot love. They can hate in great measures and amounts, but they cannot love._  
  
He was becoming steadier. And angrier -- but that, he supposed, was only natural, and indeed, necessary. Anger, in the end, was how the fires inside them kept burning strong. Anger, in the end, was what kept them warriors.   
  
"Would you say I honored you that day on the battlefield?"   
  
"You did," said Nali. "If not for the scavenger discovering her Force Sensitivity, you would have won."   
  
"Perhaps." In the end, he could not begrudge Jaina Skywalker for beating him. She had done beautifully, even beyond what she had displayed when he had reunited with her. And all that strength, that power...if she was one of them, one could only imagine what she could do.   
  
"You sound like you have something to tell us."   
  
"I do. She isn't just a scavenger, Nali. Jaina Skywalker is alive, and she's here."   
  
Nali stared at him in astonishment. "Are you -- "   
  
"Yes." Kylo said. "I felt it. On the Starkiller planet, I knew it was her. I don't know how she got to the desert planet of Jakku in the first place, but if Skywalker left her there..."   
  
Nali's voice was quiet with rage. "The _monster..."_  
  
"Isn't he?" said Kylo. "I have to save her, Nali. She's gone to train with her father, I've felt it. And he's going to do what he did to all his students -- break her."   
  
"Do you think she can be persuaded?"   
  
"To save her, I would do everything I could. The question is...will you follow me, Nali? To the end and beyond?"   
  
"Master...do you need to ask?"   
  
Kylo Ren did not smile; smiling was rare for him nowadays. But in that moment, he felt as if he had the strength, at least, to face the upcoming trials ahead.


End file.
